Incarceration
by sanionka
Summary: Everyone has their scars, but it's not all the time that they're visible: after a horrible attack, Kurt loses his memory of... everything that seems to matter.


**Comments:** Oh man oh man oh man. So, I dunno, I've had this idea for... whatever amount of time. It's nothing big, just something to do in between multiple procrastinations. Also, I tend to get emotional when I read other people's fics. I'll make predictions, and something else will happen, and then I get all these ideas like "OH MY GOD, what if _this_ happened!" and that's how we got here. Song is _Arms_ by Christina Perri.

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><p>This was something he had to do alone, something he had to <em>go through<em> alone. In reality, he was afraid. Of course he was, no one should have to go through the agony of the mental and physical suffering. Nightmares gripped him like chains, and the weight of the world rested carelessly on his shoulders. Bruises marred his flesh.

He looked in the mirror, sweating and dehydrated. Another one. His reflection gazed back, eyes turned grey with weariness, skin ivory as bone, but not just because the glaring digital clock on his nightstand read 4:29 AM. Kurt decided he was beginning to look like a skeleton, with hollows instead of eyes, and felt much older than any seventeen-year-old should feel. It was summer vacation, but the freedom he expected to feel with its calm ease never came. Instead, it felt like his own personal incarceron. Kurt was pulled out of his haze when he moved away from the bathroom counter, catching himself on the sharp, jutted edge with his wrist, and hissing as he watched helplessly as blood bloomed across his porcelain skin.

Well, that was embarrassing, he thought bitterly. Klutz.

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><p>When something traumatic occurs, you keep that memory with you, locked away in your heart behind a cage of ribs, hypersensitive to even the gentlest of touches. However, a traumatic experience may be made up of multiple events, put together over time, knitted into something bigger, something more dangerous. This is what was happening to Kurt. The experiences of high school, they were all coming down to a boiling point, traumatizing him in the worst ways possible. He couldn't even face his worst fears in his worst nightmares head on.<p>

That morning he skipped breakfast. Finn shot him an odd look, but the boy seemed to relax when Kurt told everyone he was going out for coffee that morning with his boyfriend, Blaine, and that he didn't want to spoil his appetite in case the two decided to order breakfast as well. He bolted for his car before Burt or Carole could interrogate him.

He wasn't going for coffee. Not with Blaine, at least. He'd grab a cup for a quick and easy energy boost, but he couldn't talk to anyone, much less stomach anything solid. Not today. Not yet. The nightmare was still fresh, its memory like a sour aftertaste stinging his tongue.

Kurt pulled his Navigator into one of the parking spaces outside The Lima Bean. It was still rather early for getting coffee on the weekend, so he counted his wishes and prayed that he wouldn't see anyone he knew.

That small comfort went away as soon as he felt a cold chill travel up his spine.

"Kurt?" Well, that certainly wasn't the voice he had expected to hear. Kurt spun around on his heel, keeping his place in line and plastered a fake smile on his face as his boyfriend made a beeline to him. _Crap,_ he thought. Kurt's stomach churned with discomfort. "Hey, you haven't answered any of my texts. I haven't seen you in two days!" Despite the fact that Blaine was obviously upset with the lack of attention, he was grinning from ear to ear, that is, until he saw the look on Kurt's face. He was still smiling, but it was extremely forced. "...Did I do something to offend you? You don't seem very happy to see me."

"No, no, Blaine, of course not," Kurt said, squeezing Blaine's upper arm affectionately. God, though he felt like he was going to vomit at any second, he missed the way Blaine's lips tasted, the comforting weight of his presence balancing Kurt's as they rolled together during heavy make-out sessions. Kurt had to blink a few times to refocus and meet Blaine's eyes instead of staring at his lips. "I've just been busy is all. Came to grab a coffee and relax." It wasn't a complete lie, but it's not like Kurt had been busy with... really _anything_.

"Mind if I join you then?"

Kurt chewed the inside of his cheek as he mulled it over, then nodded before he had the chance to change his mind. They ordered their coffees and Blaine offered to pay and give him a ride; Kurt didn't have the energy to argue like he usually did and thanked him dully instead, while Blaine assured him that they would drive back later to pick up Kurt's Navigator.

"Where are we going?"

"Well," Blaine started, "you seem a little stressed, so I thought maybe I'd take you to the park in Westerville near Dalton. Remember I took you there once after Warblers rehearsal before you transferred back? I thought it'd be a nice place to relax and clear your mind."

Kurt flushed a light pink and betrayed himself a small smile. A real one. "Thank you," he said shyly. He sipped his coffee to hide his blush, and despite the caffeine, Kurt ended up falling asleep in the passenger seat for a much-needed nap. Blaine squeezed his shoulder gently when they'd arrived, and Kurt flinched away from the touch, startled and wide awake. He looked down at his hands and mumbled, "Sorry." He didn't meet Blaine's eyes. He didn't want to see the expression of pain he knew he would see in them otherwise. Blaine _knew_ something was up, but was too polite to keep asking Kurt about it, and Kurt was using that to his advantage. He unbuckled and hopped out of the car, meeting Blaine halfway and smiling when he took Kurt's hand. He couldn't help but press into the slightly shorter boy just a _little _bit for comfort.

Blaine laid out a Dalton blanket on the grass, the sunlight dappling across his back through the trees as he did so. Kurt looked away, flustered, and smirked when his boyfriend asked him to lay down with him on the blanket. Blaine's limbs were splayed across the fabric in a lazy fashion, and Kurt surrendered to at least sitting next to him, rolling his eyes and smiling. Blaine took Kurt's wrist in his hand and yanked him down, Kurt yelping and laughing, "Blaine!" trying to catch his breath now that his boyfriend was tickling him. "Whatever happened to relaxing and clearing my mind?"

"Your eyebrows were practically knitted together with some depressing expression on your face. I wanted to see if I could make it go away," he said smiling. Kurt's heart exploded and he kissed Blaine gingerly on the lips. He sighed, content, and nestled into the crook of Blaine's arm, cuddling into his side.

"_I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart._"

"...Blaine?"

"_But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start,_" he sang, smiling and holding Kurt's hand. Kurt couldn't do anything but smile at him goofily. "_You put your arms around me and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go. You put your arms around me and I'm home._"


End file.
